so this is what it is like...

It is one month and two weeks since my beloved proposed to me.

I had one lovely night and brief moments of the morning to enjoy that news with only him. Then we started to tell people.

First piece of advice: savor every minute of being engaged and no one knowing. it's glorious

Two weeks later we had a trip to Mexico planned with my folks and by then my fiance and I had dreamt up a beautiful ceremony idea: in Sonoma, in a rental estate home with our immediate family and friends surrounding us. I could see all their smilng faces, the beautiful landscape, sunshine glistening on everyone's hair, and Chris and I joining forces for life.

And then the ickiness began. Mom didn't understand why my great-aunt Rhoda wouldn't be invited[to the ceremony]. Why did you pick California? "You know, people arent going to want to give you gifts if you dont invite them to the ceremony..." GROSS! She also "always pictured [me] getting married on a beach" What?? I don't ever go to the beach. With this alabaster skin, are you kidding? Whose wedding exactly are you speaking of?

Long story short, it is now 1 month and 2 weeks since we got engaged. Yesterday I had my first crying breakdown and 2nd realization that this may not be as much fun as I had hoped.

But here's what WAS fun. buying 25,000 bridal magazines. Oh, and books. Oh, and reading every blog ever and saving countless images and sites to folders and bookmarks on my computer.

All of that seems like so long ago because NOW I have to 'work with' my parents to find this perfect estate home in addition to a local spot in my city for the reception. I have imagined myself into a really challenging, detail-oriented wedding plan and I want to go back to it all being thinking about pretty stuff. Paper poms, flowers, kitten heel shoes, make up and accessories. how I'll dress up the little girl. How I'll dress up my future husband. The fun stuff.

I can only imagine that the girls that have fun with all this either have amazing parents who actually let them do whatever they want [with the money that they give] or they are just going to do it themselves on a showstring budget but with no one to have to answer to. I wonder if it is worth it to give up on the Sonoma dream and just have the wedding everyone else has just to save frustration.

This is where I am at right now. I would rather post pretty pictures and have a darling and charming first post, but this is what inspired me. Pretty pictures to follow, I'm sure [fingers crossed]